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Julia Yasmine
30 November 2009 @ 09:58 am
so damn hard.  


is that true? can we no longer communicate with each other?
face to face it's pretty freaking difficult, scary, emotional. And now we have so many cop-outs like e-mail, facebook, blogging in various forms.
has the spoken word become obsolete?
Maybe we've all just been through too much to ever really talk to someone ever again. Maybe we want to, but we don't know how to open up those vaults that we closed so long ago.
Maybe it's time we step up and out.
you ready?
me neither.
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humeur actuelle: thoughtful
 
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Julia Yasmine
30 November 2009 @ 12:33 am
quote of the day:  



""If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."

C.S. Lewis (b. 1898 - d. 1963)
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Julia Yasmine
29 November 2009 @ 01:30 pm
promoting false niceness.  


the thing that sucks about an unrequieted love is the fact that you never got to have them. What sucks even more than that is the fact that you can't stop thinking about them in the randomest of times. And the fact that it's been a long time since I fell, sucks even more then the last two sucky parts.

I had a dream that I was at school (can you tell I can't stop thinking about it lol) and I was seeing a bunch of people that I used to be friends with for like half a year. You know those people that you meet and just want to hang out with,but then the people who linked you to that crowd kind of disappear from your life, and you just accept the fact that you aren't gonna really hang out with them and all that shit. ANYWAYS...

in my dream I was looking for my class and then I ran into one of the guys that I used to talk to, Mark, and I was climbing stairs, that looked like the stairs you would find in Keira Knightley's house in Atonement (just to give you a visual) and then Mark grabbed me and started hugging me and carried me up the stairs, which was odd lol. And then I saw a bunch of other people except for the one person that I wanted to see. But instead of asking where he went I ignored the fact so completely. And then so did everyone else. Like they went out of their way not to mention his name or anything about him. And I went around so confused as to why they couldn't mention him, why I couldn't see him, where was he?
Then I asked them where he was, and they got stone face and wouldn't answer me. then I got scared because all the guys formed a circle around me and wouldn't let me get past. So I started sreaming, "WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE HE IS?" and then one of them said, "because it's too late."

then I woke up.
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
oh, wait, it's not over.

to make things worse, the next night, I had a dream, and the boy was in it. I can't even remember what he said, or what I said, or anything really. but I know that it was okay.
but this could all be very cathartic. Like my subconcious is telling me it's time. you can start moving on. I hope that's what it means lol.
but I know me, and it took me like 3 years to get over my first boyfriend/love. And I never ever ever ever thought that I would get over it. But I did.
I'm hoping this will end soon. Like permanently end. Never talk, see, think of him again. Because besides the me being in deep like with him, he was a horrible friend.
I have to stop falling for the assholes.


smile pretty.

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2 spoke | speak
 
Julia Yasmine
27 November 2009 @ 09:40 pm
Jar Jar Binx. what? okay.  
offically registered at Concordia :)
I was at work today and being the bad employee I am, I went on my portal to see if I could register for my classes. Boom. I could.
I literally ran to the back to get my course codes and ignored customers until I was done.
I only go to school 2 days a week (amazing) Tuesday and Thursday.
tuesday I start at 1:00 - 2:45, then a four hour break (homework a la max) and then I have a class at 6:00 - 8:15
thursday I only have class until 2:45. And then I am taking two online courses.
(Roman Art and Archaeology, History of the Roman Republic, Poli Sci: Law & Governence, Encountering World Religions)

AND, I can still work 30 hours a week. I gave them my new availibility and they were happy, because they were scared that I was only going to be able to work like 2 days a week lol. but hey, I'm paying for my school and shit so, mama's gotta make the money.

I might die by May.
did I mention that?


AND, I got new jeans. :) they make my ass look pretty J.Lo like. (but not really)
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3 spoke | speak
 
Julia Yasmine
27 November 2009 @ 12:37 am
the best incentive  
Sometimes people can suprise you.
not the people you ever expect to hear from again, but then when you do, and they go out of their way to do something so nice, you really just learn to appreciate it.

I should have more to write, but it is late and I have to work tomorrow and see a boss whom I would like nothing more than to hit with a shovel.
Just to see what would happen, you know? you know. I know you know. Don't deny it.



smile pretty
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1 spoke | speak
 
Julia Yasmine
26 November 2009 @ 10:24 am
from the start.  
all I am thinking about is the fact that I'm not thinking about anything.
not to say that my mind is a total blank, I know there are things running through it constantly, but I just can't seem to focus on one thing in particular.
I had a dream last night, katlin was in it. She made bad choices and left me to be worried and to clean up the mess.
Then I lost it on another person and felt so good doing that. I wish I could do it in real life, but I can't.

do you ever wish that you could just permanently live in your dream world? Or if you did do you ever wonder if things will turn sour and it will end up just like the life you have now.
And if that happens, you wonder, so it's me who keeps fucking everything up and ruining everything.

do you ever think about that on a regular basis? Or are you like me and you can't distinguish one rational thought from another at this point in time?

things are going to get rough.
money is the big thing. I owe so much of it. And I have to pay for my tuition.
I need to go to school only two days a week, and work at least 4. I am going to be so stressed in the first half of 2010.
But I am going to make this year count. Because I've done shit in my past that I need to make up for it.
 
speak
 
Julia Yasmine
23 November 2009 @ 11:06 am
always get a reciept.  
I bought new shleves. I bought a new mirror. I was cleaning in my on hutch (that sounded dirty lol) and I found my old journal.
I wrote somethings that made me happy, and some that made me sad. But the thing that makes me sad most of all is that I didn't finish the journal. And it's a gorgeous journal. But I already started another one, so I don't want to go hlaf half. so I am going to finish the one I have now, and then start in the one that I didn't finish before.
got that self?
k. k good.

(I am so happy to be starting school in january. SO. HAPPY)

okay, so I am going to wrok now. bye.
 
speak
 
Julia Yasmine
22 November 2009 @ 01:21 am
heart beat in my ears.  
I got in.
The retards at Concordia accepted me.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THAT'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't think that it would happen. I am so fucking ecstatic that it's not even funny.


2010 will kill it.
(I am actually so excited to start studying it's not even funny)
(OH AND WORK IS GONNA SHIT BRICKS BECAUSE KRISTALYN IS LEAVING, I'M CUTTING BACK ON MY DAY SHIFTAGES, ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD IT'S GONNA ROCK ASS SHIT)

okay. I have to be calm now.
I think I should shower and get ready to go to Ikea tomorrow, err well, actually today.
 
 
humeur actuelle: ecstatic
 
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Julia Yasmine
20 November 2009 @ 12:10 am
quote of the day:  



"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way."


Pablo Neruda
100 Love Sonnets, 1960


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Julia Yasmine
19 November 2009 @ 11:59 pm
equilibrium is off. a whole hell of a lot.  
I did have things that I wanted to write, but lately my mind has been on the fritz.
I had a weird dream about someone, but I'm not even sure who they were. They had on yellow tighty-whiteys. (odd, I know.)
But I know that we had sex. but movie sex. where you know what's going to happen and the build up is there and then boom, you go to the next scene and it's the morning and you are all wrapped up in a sheet or some lame shit like that. Yeah so that is essentially what happened. Except for the waking up in a sheet. I woke up getting out of the shower and blow drying my hair.

me and the guy worked on the same business project, and for some reason, I had this thing where I would run away after being with somebody. And he knew it. But he told me that it could be different if I only let myself feel something for once in my life.
but still in the morning I ran away.
Then we had to share a flight home and I saw him, and he came up to me and I don't know what he said, but I knew that I needed to be next to him.

then the flight got weird, and it seemed like it was all, "catch me if you can" when frank is living in the hotel where Tom Hanks finds him.

All I know is that I am pretty sure that if I could fall in love with a person from my dreams, it would be that guy. He was tall, he had the hair, amazing smile, he danced. Yeah I forgot to mention that we danced, a lot.

this entry is stupid and I just broke a bowl that I don't feel like cleaning up.
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